


Why Won't You Call Me?

by bi_swan_trash



Category: Warehouse 13
Genre: Fluff and Humor, Gen, Mentions of Kesha, Song: Stephen (Kesha)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-25
Updated: 2019-01-25
Packaged: 2019-10-15 21:49:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,059
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17536889
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bi_swan_trash/pseuds/bi_swan_trash
Summary: Totally something that would happen if the Warehouse agents and Ke$ha crossed paths.





	Why Won't You Call Me?

**Author's Note:**

> So the timeline doesn’t match up AT ALL. However I’m fudging it, because I decided to hail back to my middle school roots and pull out Kesha’s 2010 albums of “Animal” and “Cannibal” for nostalgia purposes and I couldn’t pass up this opportunity.

Claudia came rushing into the living room with an overexcited demeanor.

“Have you heard Ke$ha’s new song?” she asked, plopping down on the couch next to Myka who was reading a book, snuggled under a blanket.

Myka looked up, giving her a confused look. Ke$ha wasn’t exactly her type of music. She was lucky to even recognize the name.

“She released a new song?!” Pete exclaimed, running in from the kitchen, muffin in hand.

“Pete... you listen to Ke$ha?” Myka asked, closing her book. She clearly wasn’t going to get any more reading done.

“Of course. She really gets me.”

Myka rolled her eyes just as Steve charged into the living room.

“Don’t you dare!” Steve yelled at Claudia. He spun to face the other two. “She hasn’t told you has she?”

“Are we talking about the same thing here?” Myka asked.

“Ke$ha has a way of stirring up the crowd,” Pete said, shrugging and stuffing half of the muffin in his mouth.

“I was just getting to it, Jinksy. What a great intro to my super hilarious news!”

“Spill!” Pete demanded scooching in between Claudia and Myka on the couch, his voice muffled slightly by the muffin, crumbs falling onto his shirt.

Myka scrunched up her nose in disgust at Pete as Claudia whipped out her phone and pulled up iTunes.

Steve groaned and sunk down into a chair. “Of  _ course _ you bought it...”

As Claudia pressed play, Ke$ha’s voice resonated around the room.

_ Steeeeeeeephen. SteeEEEEEeeeephen. Whhhhhy won’t you call me? Stephen… why won’t you call meeeee… _

“Oh that’s so funny cause we also have a Steve,” Pete said.

“Oh, we don’t  _ just _ have a Steve. We have  _ the _ Steve,” Claudia told him.

“Wha-  _ that _ Steve?” Pete pointed to her phone where Ke$ha was still— halfway lamenting, halfway seducing— singing about a man named Steven. Or... in this case... Stephen.

“Wait a minute. Tight pants... is this from that snag a few months back in LA? At that weird club, uh…  _ Freak City?” _

Steve nodded, clearly embarrassed. “That girl-”

Claudia shot him a look.

“- _ woman _ … who was all over me… well it turns out that she’s Ke$ha?”

So  _ that’s _ where Myka knew the name from.

Pete got up from between the women, pulled over a dining chair next to Steve, and slung an arm around him. “You seem uncertain, my man. Was it, or was it not, the famed Ke$ha?”

“Okay! So I knew it was Ke$ha. She had the artifact, what was I supposed to do?”

“ _ She _ had the artifact?” Pete asked incredulously. “Why was this not mentioned in the debriefing? Why are we-” he pointed between himself and Claudia, “- just now finding out about this?”

“Hey, don’t drag me into this. I knew,” Claudia revealed, propping up her socked feet onto the coffee table.

“What!”

“Are you kidding? Steve got my CD case signed.”

“You got your CD case signed and I didn’t even know!”

“Probably because Artie knew you’d react like this,” Myka pointed out. “And... hey! I was on that snag with you! Did she call me your ugly girlfriend?”

“To be fair, you do have a resting bitch face,” Claudia pointed out.

Myka glared at her.

“Which is so cool and handy for this job since we’re all very professional and need to be taken seriously by the general public!” Claudia blurted.

“You can have one of the guitar picks she gave me,” Steve offered.

Pete softened. “Thanks man.”

“I can’t believe we have a  _ celebrity _ in our mix,” Claudia mocked.

“She didn’t even bother to spell my name right,” Steve muttered.

“You didn’t exactly offer up a spelling lesson,” Myka pointed out.

“Pete started playing the song again. “Why were you wearing tight pants?”

“It was a club! I was trying to blend in! Claudia told me to,” Steve defended, crossing his arms over his chest.

“What was the artifact?” Pete asked. “I feel like I’m very fuzzy on all the details surrounding that ping.”

Claudia and Myka exchanged a glance. They knew  _ exactly _ why Pete was fuzzy on the details.

“It might be because… we glossed over the big picture stuff in the debrief?” Myka admitted.

“What? Why?”

“Myka looked at Claudia again and then to Steve.

“Fine, I’ll tell him,” Steve sighed. “The artifact we snagged was the original Farrah Fawcett red swimsuit poster. Apparently it mixed with Ke$ha’s already-party girl image and charmed everyone around her to basically party themselves to death.”

“What! First of all, Farrah Fawcett may have been a sex symbol because of that poster, but she wasn’t your typical sex symbol, like for instance, the Playboy bunnies. Second… how could you not tell me!”

“Artie didn’t think you’d be able to look away from Farrah’s… tetons,” Claudia replied, using Pete’s preferred term.

“What aisle did we store it in?” Pete asked.

“Not telling!” Claudia exclaimed, hopping up from the couch and running out of the living room with Pete chasing after her.

Claudia’s discarded phone bounced facedown on the couch, “Stephen” still blaring from its tiny speakers on repeat.

_ …  _ _ I laughed 'cause I was completely trashed. And I watched your ug-ly girlfriend… sneer across the room. As if I really care that she's here with you…  _

Myka sighed, picked up the phone and punched the “pause” button.

Steve got up from his chair and sat down next to Myka.

“I don’t think you’re ugly, Myka. You’re actually really attractive and it’s hard for me to notice that in women, trust me,” Steve told her.

Myka smiled and hugged Steve to her side.

“You’re a good egg, Steve.”

There was a bit of silence as they each revealed in the hug before Myka asked, “why  _ didn’t _ you call her back?”

Steve was confused until he looked at Myka’s teasing face. He rolled his eyes, but could help himself from smiling. He got up from the couch with Myka hot on his heels.

“Oh come on, Steve! She’s so cuuuuute.”

“Now you’re just being obnoxious. Isn’t this Pete’s job?”

“She’s got guys lining up, but it’s  _ you _ she wants!”

“I’m ignoring you now.”

It wasn’t long before Claudia and Pete-- who had given up on the location of the Farrah Fawcett poster… for now-- joined in.

Steve couldn’t be mad though. He’d looked _ great _ in those pants.


End file.
